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Lights, Camera, Wannabe | The Metaverse Tribune
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2020
Lights, Camera, Wannabe

by Linus Lowbeam
Published April 6, 2014

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Money, class and elegance are all that we desire. -BS

Avatar elegantly moved down the red carpet, lights flashing, camera’s popping.  Crowd roaring.  Avatar was there.  Avatar had arrived.  Avatar’s long slender figure slowly progressed towards the entrance, making its way like a majestic swan gliding slowly over a moonlit lake.  Tall figure draped in the latest fashions.  Nothing but the best is good enough for this Pixel.  Avatar likes to eat lobster directly from Maine.  Hates California, it’s cold and it’s damp.  But this Avatar is no Tramp.  Avatar’s a great big star!  After all there’s no business like show business.

‘Oh Avatar you’re gorgeous, you’re divine!
Your Pixels thrill me so!
Oh Avatar, oh Avatar there upon your throne.
Teach me how to be famous and model like a pro!
Educate me on how to blog and pose really well.
And be a beauty queen!
From Catwalks, to Flickr groups I want it all.
Tell me who to talk to and who not to call.
Oh Avatar, I love you so!

Why are we unhappy?  We’re unhappy because we aren’t part of the upper echelon of Second Life Society.  We haven’t been nominated for Avi Choice awards and added it to our profiles.  We aren’t virtual world class bloggers.  We aren’t Second Life’s next top models.  Our profiles don’t read like a CV of how virtually famous we are.  We don’t mix with the ‘right’ people.  We just have to deal with it folks – we aren’t celebrities.  We must forcibly accept that we are just people.  Human beings perched behind computers.  We aren’t that much of a hit that we can afford to create a profile pick about how fabulous we are.  We need to begin our journey of acceptance.  *sigh.  Maybe I should shut down the computer and leave the basement.

Ok – my attempt at humour may have turned a lot of you off.  If you are still reading at this point then you’re either that bored that you have nothing else whatsoever to do, or you find my witty banter entertaining!  Perhaps I’m being over complementary to myself by using terms such as ‘witty’ or ‘banter!’  Ha.

Anyone who’s spent more than 6 months on the grid knows that there is a Celebrity Culture.  You all know the type, I don’t need to spell them out, the Models, Bloggers, Photographers, Club owners – the list is endless.  I have no problem with talented individuals – take photographers, for instance, who create visual dreams and are Photoshop wizards.  What boils my cabbage is this, these Models who jump on a Pose Ball for 30 minutes and then think that gives them the right to lord it over the rest of us?  Or those bloggers who struggle with basic punctuation and couldn’t write a nursery rhyme, never mind New Age prose!  Or the type who just use their blog to trash other people or talk about how amazingly fantastic they are!

OMG!  I am so blogging about this!  Do you not know who I am?  I am avatar, I hold more weight than the Empire State Building in SL, and I’m not talking about my RL water retention or my BMI.  I am one famous B*tch!

These characters are so recognizable – they often threaten with rubbish like, ‘Mess with me and I will set wild rumors off about you, because I know everyone who’s worth knowing in SL.  I’ll get your chat log from a Linden I know, I’ll get you banned!’

And just admit it, you probably don’t have any Lindens on your contact list either, right?  So why even bother fibbing about it.  And if you do, groovy – you have a much underpaid employee on your list.  Just the thought is making me want to swoon.  No wait, that’s the dog.

What also marinates my pork chop are the people who have agents or PA in world!  Come on this is Second Life!  Your IM’s probably don’t cap, so there’s probably no need to send notecards anyway!  Fair enough, if you’re actually running a business in world, but come on, why would a model or a blogger need a PA?  That’s like a politician needing an honesty box.

Anyway girls and boys, I hope I made you giggle a little bit with this.  If not, you just wasted some of your life that you will never get back.

Ps – if you’re reading this and you think it’s about you – you’re right, it is!




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